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To Sire, With Love                                                                                                       By Nadja Lee        21/06/00

English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.

Disclaimer: “Angel”/ “BTVS” and all the characters here belong to the WB and probably a lot of other people. Basically everyone one but me. I am just boring them for a while.

Pairing: Angel/Spike.

Summery: Spike thinks about his relationship with Angel. Comparison piece to “ To Childe, With Love”

Archiving: ASK.

Feedback: Yes, please. I would really like some feedback at this as it is my first try at Angel/Spike.  My e-mail address is neh@post10.tele.dk.

 

I always watched him

Admired him

Wanted him to notice me

Wanted his attention

 

Once I would have done

Anything for him

Kissed the sunlight

Reached for the bloody stars

 

Who am I kidding?

I would still do that

If only he would look at me

With love in his eyes

 

When I found him after all that time

My heart was aching with joy

Until he pushed me away

Like he always do

 

Only this was different

Before at least I knew

That some part of him liked me

What I did, what I am

 

But no, not anymore

In those deep brown eyes

There was only contempt

All hints of kindness gone

 

I froze my heart to him

Told myself I didn’t care

Told myself I hated him

But I know

 

I know that I will always

Love him

I can’t stop

He is everything to me

 

I try to make him go away

But this power he has over me

This desire I have to please him

Never stops

 

How I convince the world that

I hate him is beyond me

When I can’t even convince myself

Even less my heart

 

I hate feeling this alone

This abandoned

Damn, he always does this to me

He always leaves me

 

I would do anything to make him

Smile one smile at me

To say one kind word

To kiss me tenderly

 

But whom am I kidding?

That will never bloody happen

Whoever said that a broken heart

Could heal

Have no fucking clue what they were

Talking about