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Tell Him                             

 By Nadja Lee                                     03/12/01

English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.

Disclaimer: “X-men” and all the characters here belong to Marvel, 20 Century Fox and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it. Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without permission of the author.

Timeline: Set in the movie universe. After the movie

Universe: Set in the movie universe; NOT the book which goes with it.

Romance: Scott/Kitty, Logan/Rogue

Summary: Kitty does some more thinking about her feelings towards Scott.

Archiving: Want, ASK, take, have.

Feedback: Yes, please. My e-mail address is nadjalee2000@hotmail.com

Rating: PG-13

Sequel/series: Sequel to “More Than That”

Dedicated to Leah for wanting me to write Scott/Kitty and Karen for the story idea.

 

Part 1:

I want to tell him, I want to reach out to him. Every time he stops by my desk in class I want to say it, I want to tell him…and every time the words get stuck in my throat. He’ll smile at me and move on…and I’ll mentally prepare yet another speech for him…a speech I’ll never dare to say.

What if he doesn’t feel the same? What if he thinks I’m just a foolish child who doesn’t know what I want? I’m scared. I fear his answer should I tell him yet every night I dream of his arms around me. In my dreams he always loves me, the situation is never tense, it's never a bad time, someone never interrupts…and from somewhere I always hear this very romantic song. Like a fairytale.

I should tell him, open up and show him my love but I’m so afraid. Will he reject me? Does he love another? I’ll feel like such a fool should I declare my love only to hear him say he sees me as a sister or friend or whatever…I don’t think my heart could survive that.

I’m so confused. I don’t know what to do.  If I do nothing I could let my love slip away from me yet to say something would mean a risk of getting hurt…a risk that the words out his mouth won’t be ‘I love you’ but ‘I’m sorry but…’.

As long as I live in ignorance I can still pretend but the day I ask him what he feels I’ll not even have dreams. Only cold, hard reality.

But dreams are like dust; you can’t hold on to them forever. Someday they’ll fly away. If reality could be like dreams, life would be Paradise.

So, should I? Should I tell him how much I care, how much he means to me? Should I tell him that I long for him to hold me, that I’ve saved my first kiss for him? Should I tell him that? Should I tell him that the day first starts when I see him, that I can see the world turn in his hands, that a smile from him brightens my day and makes me float on a little cloud for days, that I feel a shock of electricity whenever he touches me? Should I tell him?
Should I risk it all and take him in my arms and whisper tender words in his ear? Should I close my lips on his and promise him my heart forever? Should I swear him my undying love forever?
I know what Rogue would tell me to do and normally I listen to her for she has been there with her heart out in her hands...and she won her man.

She’ll tell me that love is the greatest gift, that it is the reason for living and that it’s worth risking everything for. She’ll tell me to talk with him, open up, and tell him I care, she’ll tell me to tell the truth for only the truth will set me free.

Jubilee would tell me to go for it, to take a chance. She’s so much more free spirited than I am; she dares so much more. Yet I long for what she suggests. She’ll tell me to touch him, to take him in my arms, to let my fingers run through his hair and caress his cheek, she’ll tell me to show him my love through my touch and my lips.

Ororo would say that love never should be denied and that it’s a natural part of life. She’ll tell me to do what I felt was right, she’ll tell me to believe more in myself, she’ll tell me that maybe Scott have the same doubts as I, she’ll tell me to forget the restricting rules of society and ask him, she’ll remind me that Scott is used to having his love thrown back in his face, that once bitten twice shy, that his small gestures; a smile, a helping hand, good grades and an appreciation of my opinions can be his way of saying ‘I love you’….

I don’t know. I just don’t know. I want to tell him, I truly want to…. but do I dare? Everything is so confusing. I’m sure of only one thing; that I love him and always will.

Now the only question is does he love me…. and can I let him walk away when I have so much to say?


 

The End